Today it has officially been 3 weeks of lying in bed. The good news is, it has progressively been getting better. The frustrating thing is the SLOWNESS of it all. I think my plants have grown faster than this healing process. A turtle could've lapped me by now in a race. A dripping faucet could've filled a swimming pool. You get the idea.
The great thing (or perhaps the slightly warped thing) about my personality is I'm always looking for opportunities for growth and learning. This is of course when I'm not typing random emails to friends/family/boyfriend ranting like a lunatic and being weepy and whiney. They are not my best moments. My best moments are of course captured in this blog, where I wait for moments of woosadrugs+endorphinboost+sugarhigh.
Lucky you guys!
So the skillz I am learning through this process are:
- pain management
And isn't LEARNING a funny word? It's so positive, but no one lets on about the anguish of learning. In years of teaching dance, I've seen this a lot. Students ask me all the time why it has to be so hard, why some aspects of learning are just so rage-inducing. Why it can't all be enjoyable. Why it's so mind bogglingly emotional sometimes. And I get to tell them, from the smug teacher position, and also as someone who has such awareness about my personal learning process, that it's just the way it is.
Well. And now I'm feelin' it. Huff. I see all of you giggling! I DO! *waggles finger*
So patience is a big one. I have to be patient because well, the healing is going slow, it's a bit like when I first started loving pot plants and would gaze at them everyday willing them to grow. To show some signs of progress. I have to be patient waiting for S or friends to come over to do the everyday things I can't do, like laundry. I have to realise, in the words of a wise friend, that my job at the moment is to be a patient and to get better. The problem? I like change, I like shaking things up, I like transformation. This process is decidedly static. So I wait, and in the process I learn...
2. Self Awareness
Oh yes, something I am used to being good at. But I have time now for reflection about everything. I have time to analyse why I am doing everything the way I do. I am learning a lot in particular about my attitude towards sickness and injury in both my interactions with others and my questions for my doctor, and it is providing revelations. Such as:
- apologising to S every night that this has happened. guilt.
- asking my doctor if I should push through the pain - ignoring my body's natural signs.
- feeling pathetic instead of accepting this is what life has dealt.
- resentment - not an attractive quality!
All these and more are paving the way for me and allowing me to build knowledge of what I'll be like when pregnant, when aging, if ever injured again, and create new patterns of behaviour for the future I want and the relationship I have with my health and body. This is a definite positive.
3. Pain Management
I have always been able to push through pain of injuries - and keep dancing or working. Thus, over the years I've built up resistance but also mental blocking out of unpleasant body feelings, sometimes leading to relapses, worse injuries etc. This is NOT GOOD - as I'm learning now. What have I learnt:
- Stop doing an activity BEFORE the pain sets in
- Take painkillers regularly and on schedule
- I don't have to be a hero
There's nothing for teaching you that last point like an injury where instead of feeling like a hero sometimes, just debilitates you and sometimes leads to crying and drooling in front of your friends. Attractive!
Lastly, my sense of appreciation has grown. This is been twofold. Firstly, my friends, family and team have been incredible. In terms of support, care and emotional encouragement. My partner has proven (not that he had to) that he is just the most amazing man on earth (and yes, he's mine!!). It is humbling and touching to know that you have so much love around you and that your closest girlfriends are indeed, there to bustle around my apartment ignoring my unshowered pyjama-ed self and fill the place with warmth and giggles.
But also, it's given me a measure of appreciation for everything around me. The loveliness of my apartment, which I'm not usually in that much. How liberating driving is, because I can't. How lovely taxi drivers can be when I'm struggling in and out of their vehicles. The difference between ok doctors and amazing medical care. How important reflection time is. These things are important, and I never had time or gave myself moments to enjoy and appreciate them.
So there you have it folks, it's not all bad. Sure, I'm doing quite a bit more lying around but the doctors say it's only a couple of weeks more before I WILL have equal number of good and bad days. And I'm moving house with the man of my dreams in 4 weeks.
And all this has just solidified that fact that with an amazing community, group of friends, and team around me, Melbourne is ever increasingly becoming my home.